So, today’s diagnoses we will be discussing are ones that technically none of my kids have, and yet they read the list of “symptoms” and agreed that if they were honest, they each checked a lot of boxes. Oh, what are those letters standing for today? ODD is Oppositional Defiance Disorder and PDA is Pathological Demand Avoidance, or as preferred by the community- Pervasive Drive for Autonomy.

What is this?

Both of these diagnosis mean that your child, expects to be treated like a tiny adult—not a child. They do not accept “child” as a state of being that is lesser to an adult in any way. They feel the fact they cannot vote and pay taxes is irrelevant. They want to make their own decisions, and if you (or any adult who thinks they are in a position of authority over the child) suggests the child do something, the child’s immediate feeling is NO.

There are long check lists, but I honestly believe that most kids with ADHD or ASD qualify for some level of these diagnoses. The management style of dealing with them? Mostly just treat them like people, respect that they won’t do what you said just because you said it. Let go of a lot. Even more. Let it go. They do grow up to be able to do things and hold down jobs and all of that. Really.

But My POINT!

So, how do you tell which one your child has? The three V’s is what ODD has that PDA does not. ODD includes: Vindictive, Vengeance, and Violence. Let’s give some examples of how this plays out.

You ask your child to clean the kitchen.

PDA child: Lays in the floor and pretends to be jello.

ODD child: Yells swear words at you. Hurts your feelings, and storms off.

You have two daughters, one with PDA, one with ODD, and your son steals a doll from each.

PDA child: “Well, if you are going to take my toy, I’m taking one of yours!” Child then takes a toy that belongs to brother to play with. This either results in a fight, or you get super lucky and they both actually have fun playing with each other’s stuff.

ODD child: Goes and gets a weapon. Beats brother with his own toy sword until dolly is “recused” and brother is crying. When questioned about the situation, ODD child has no regrets, but brother does.

At School:

Teacher demands child do something child doesn’t want to do:

PDA child: May hide under the table, sit quietly, or even turn the paper over and just color on the back.

ODD child: Tears paper up. Tells teacher No. And if teacher tries to escalate the situation and gets in the child’s face, child may smack the teacher. When asked about it, child will point out her IEP states that you shouldn’t get inside arms reach.

Living with It

Lastly, if you know your child is likely to avoid things by just sitting quietly, turning into a wet noodle, or acting like they can’t hear you, that is PDA. However, if you let your child say no to anything they want because you fear you will wake up without eyebrows if you don’t, that’s ODD.

I hope if you have a challenging child, you got a laugh out of today’s comparison. While I want to act like this is hyperbole, most of it is literally about various children I know. The thing is, those kids are also intelligent, kind, thoughtful people. They are capable of success, leadership and doing incredible things. I homeschool kids like this.  PDA and ODD are situational problems caused by adults in most situations, as far as these kids are concerned. They just feel strongly their ideas, values and feelings are as valid as anyone else’s.  Aren’t they?

P.S. I made a lot of the kids in today’s post girls and used she/her pronouns a lot. This is because girls are often overlooked for all of these diagnoses just because they are girls and boys are more likely to be diagnosed. I don’t believe that more boys have ADHD, ASD, ODD or PDA than girls, I think they are just more likely to be labeled. In general, this means they get help, and girls don’t.