I am at an age where I have a lot of friends who are divorced. I’m not, but it isn’t like I have never gotten mad at my husband. After much thought, I have devised the “Sandwich Rule” which will tell you if you should go ahead and get divorced. It is a very straight forward test and takes almost no time to do.

Step One

Ask yourself this; If I traded my husband for 3 sandwiches a day would my life be better or worse?  If worse, stop here, you may need marriage counseling or all kinds of things, but you aren’t ready to divorce him today. Did you say better or are you not sure?  Let’s discuss the finer points.

If you asked “Which sandwich?” You probably should start working on your exit plan, but go ahead and read the rest.

Sandwiches

Sandwiches do not yell or complain. They don’t make messes or leave the toilet seat up. They don’t make your life harder or make your kids cry. They are generally good to have around, serve a clear purpose, and usually do a good job at their purpose of being a meal. There are a lot of things they don’t do, but they also won’t make you mad, sad, or otherwise distressed. Depending on the day, they may even provide comfort.

Husbands

Your husband should be able to not only make you those three sandwiches a day, but he should add more value to your life than a sandwich. Humans are capable of cooking, cleaning, doing childcare and pet care. They can sing songs and read story books. They can change diapers and put gas in the car. And let’s be honest, they can and should provide a lot more emotional support than a sandwich or even a pet.

If your husband is a good one, you will not hesitate to say he is better than 3 sandwiches a day. He’ll be better than a whole combination of inanimate objects you could purchase.

The Back Story

So, my own husband has celiac disease. To make sure he and the kids don’t get gluten poisoned, I gave up sandwiches many years ago. I kept no gluten in the house, but I missed it. I would go out to dinner with my friends and have bread and call it “cheating on my husband.” Though I was only cheating on his restricted diet that I never needed. Then, we went through a rough patch and I had a reoccurring dream that I was in a cafe signing divorce papers. After signing, I looked across the table and said “Now we can be together.” I was talking to a sandwich. Specifically, the Wreck® from Potbelly’s. (This is not an ad, but if you know someone there who would like to send me coupons, that would be awesome.)

The Sandwich I considered leaving my husband for. The Potbelly Wreck®.

I had a real heart-to-heart with my husband about these dreams and my frustrations. Obviously, there was more going on in our relationship than a frustration with dietary restrictions. There were real issues that we needed to discuss. He took my feelings, concerns, and frustrations seriously. He made changes. He shared his feelings, concerns, and frustrations. I took them seriously and we worked together to move forward. That is what your partner will do if they love you. That is how you stay married. Your spouse hears you say you could trade him for a sandwich and have a more satisfying life and he finds ways to be of value. For all of us, our spouse should add value to our lives, not take away from our joy.

Now

These days? I would not trade him for any sandwich, cake, pasta or even real pizza! We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and I hope we have another 25 years together. Marriage is complicated. I hope that if any of you have read this and realized your husband is failing the “Sandwich Test” that he will desire to do better once you explain how low the bar is. You are worth it. You deserve a husband who adds more to your life than a sandwich.