Before having kids, I really had no clue what kind of mom I would be. I didn’t even know there were so many choices of how to parent. I thought you just kept them alive, easy peasy right? Oh, to be so naive….

Breastfeeding: The Gateway

The first big parenting decision I made was deciding to breastfeed. I had a lot of support for that choice, and the advantage of access to a lactation consultant to help me when getting started was difficult. The biggest reason I breastfed was that I am WAY too lazy to wash and sterilize bottles. I also was worried baby would go hungry or get sick when I forgot to do the dishes. However, there is no way to be so disorganized you misplace your own boobs. So, I breastfed.

I will make one additional plug for breastfeeding that I never see anyone say: if you are lucky, it creates tons of dopamine and feel good brain chemicals. This isn’t true for everyone, some moms need to formula feed for their well being, and that is valid. However, for me, breastfeeding was great for my mental health. Nursing babies at night helped my anxiety float away and helped me to go to sleep. Nursing daily seemed to keep me in a calm state compared to the person I became once the I was done with that stage of life.

I also got introduced to baby wearing and learned to nurse the baby while doing other things. Baby was happy, and I felt like this was a far easier life choice, because my first baby was super fussy and never wanted to be put down. I didn’t realize I was doing attachment parenting. I was just doing what made the most sense to me and my baby.

Going Further

I had all the support in the world to breastfeed until my baby turned one. My baby was slow to get her teeth, slow to learn to eat solids and didn’t seem ready to stop nursing at 12 months. So, I just kept going with nursing.  However, my support system dried up. So, I turned to strangers on the internet. Internet strangers taught me tons of things I didn’t know and changed my opinions of tons of things.

This step of life led to a ton of alternative choices, because I not only talked to strangers, but I started reading things and asking questions. I learned what was in disposable diapers, and we switched to cloth. I learned a whole lot about cloth diapers, and tried all different kinds. I think the cloth diapers were where my husband thought I had lost my mind. But not having to go out to buy diapers regularly was great! Another win for my brain that didn’t want to remember to pick them up!

Home Birth

I spent years in these support groups and learned about home births with midwives. The hospital and doctor didn’t seem value added in my life with my first child. I had a bad epidural reaction where my labor stopped and my baby went into distress, so I knew I was skipping that the second time. Since that was the only good part of giving birth at the hospital, I was open to other ideas.

My husband wasn’t thrilled that I wanted a home birth, but I told him that when he gave birth I would support his birth plan, so he caved. Again, I did my research and learned that home birth with professional midwives is extremely safe for those with uncomplicated pregnancies. I also had already given birth once and felt strongly that home birth was what I wanted. I knew who was doing the hard work on the baby’s birthday and it was me.  We hired midwives who were wonderful and I home birthed both my younger children, about two years apart.

I think every woman should give birth somewhere that she feels safe and has everything she needs for the health of her and her child. In an ideal world every woman would have options that met her needs. So, if you are happy with your hospital birth, C-section, etc. I am happy for you. Had we seen any signs a homebirth wasn’t as safe as could be, we would have changed our plans. We did various tests throughout each pregnancy to make sure I was still low risk and baby was healthy.

HomeSchool

My second born is almost exactly 5 years younger than my oldest. So, shortly after having a homebirth with our second child, we started homeschooling our oldest. Now, compared to convincing my husband we were going to have a water birth in our bedroom, that talk was easy. I told him I knew more than a kindergartener, and we went from there.

The step to homeschooling was just a tiny hop on this crazy life path I ended up walking. So, if you plan to homeschool, and your spouse isn’t so sure, my life advice is to put your baby in cloth diapers now. After spending hours of his life debating with you whether microfiber or organic cotton diapers are best, homeschooling is not a big deal.

Retrospectively, this post probably should have been titled “How I convinced my husband I was too crazy to argue with.” In the end, homeschooling was the right choice for us, and I don’t regret any of the other choices. Do I feel you should do any of the rest of this? Honestly, if some part of the alternative parenting choices I have listed appeals to you, you should do your own research. Make the choices you will feel good about and that help you enjoy your life and be the best parent to your child that you can be.