So, you know your child struggles with executive function, maybe you do too? Instead of avoiding big, complex projects, this means you and your child need to find multi-step projects to work on that will build their skills. Both college and real life are full of big projects. Practicing how to approach a big task and complete it will set them up for success.

Elementary School

In my experience, elementary age kids who are assigned large projects, like science fairs, end up with parents who have to do the executive functioning and a good chunk of the project. What we want is to set our kids up for success, so my first advice is that you realize that elementary age projects require a lot of parental help. In general, this age group should have projects manageable to their size, age, and attention span. Building a Lego kit or completing a multi-step craft is enough at this age. If you have a grand idea for a large project for this age, be aware your child can be your little assistant, not the other way around.

Middle School

This is a great age for kids to learn real life multiple-step projects. Have them learn to do the dishes, their own laundry, and make a meal. All of those are very solid projects to manage. If you forget to do the next step, clothes can mildew and dinner can burn. It has real world consequences.  Help them build life skills by working with them on small chunks. Let them add things to the grocery list. Ask them to look up a recipe. Help them see the steps involved in creating a meal. We don’t just sit down to eat. As adults, we plan ahead what the meal will be, find the recipe, buy the ingredients, follow the directions, and only then do we get to serve the meal. Consider those each individual skills you will teach, so your child can someday put them all together.

This is also an ideal age to do bigger craft projects and bigger Lego kits. Build their attention span with things that interest them. Look for kits and crafts that they want to try. Weaving, knitting, crochet, jewelry making, or model airplanes are all great ideas. Projects that come with instructions and an end product in mind teach kids to work toward a goal, and lay out the plan for them. You need to be able to follow someone else’s plan before you can create and follow your own.

If your child wants to take on a more complex challenge at this age, read ahead to my high school directions and remember that your middle schooler’s frontal lobe is still jello. They are not set or ready to go. They may do amazing things on a good day, and on a bad day forget that Tuesday exists. That is why I feel we need to be building the skills with middle schoolers, but not yet asking them to do things on their own. They are ready to be part of a team, not the team lead.

Early High School

In my experience, my neurodiverse kids were ready to start planning things with guidance in early high school. This means they not only could cook dinner, but plan what to cook. That plan might include looking up a recipes, checking for ingredients or even making a shopping list. However, they often needed guidance and assistance to make sure they didn’t skip a step or miss an ingredient. They started planning get togethers with friends. One child started playing D&D with friends and then worked on planning that activity for the group. Self chosen quests are great for kids learning to manage themselves, and it is important to acknowledge that they are gaining skills, even if it isn’t school work.

Large school projects can be hard to plan as a homeschooler. Even if you have access to a science fair, your child may not be interested. Assigning a really big literature project for your one-on-one English class may not create enough urgency for your student to work on it for you. I know many homeschool parents who want their child to “just finish that project so you can be done with x grade” and the child won’t do it. It often isn’t because the student doesn’t want to be done, but because they don’t have the executive function to get through a complex project.

If possible, try to choose a project your child actually wants to do. For our family, Outdoor Service Guides has been a great source of opportunities for my kids to do projects and build these skills. Any form of scouting can have badges that work for this, or you can check with 4-H or other programs your student is interested in to find projects to try. If none of those work, brain storm with your child on what big project they want to do.

Getting Started

Step one is always “define the goal”. Sometimes the hardest part of creating a project, is making a clear definition of what it will be and how you will know when you are done. You need to make this decision at the start. Is the goal to build a bookshelf for your room and it will be done when it is in your room? Is the goal to collect dog food for the animal shelter for 3 weeks and you will have a specific end date to deliver the food? Knowing your timeline is important, even if you are not the type of person who sticks to a timeline very well.

Next, help your student to make a list of all the tasks they need to do to accomplish their goal. Scout badges often list all the requirements for a badge, but if you need to do a community service project, for example, that has its own steps. Write them down together. Do your best to let your student figure out the steps for themselves, but feel free to ask questions and cue them to add important parts.

If they do not have a clear plan, work on the overall plan next. Will they need to put up fliers? Send emails? How will they collect the items? Where will they store them? It can be helpful to put each step on a post-it note instead of just making a list, so you can rearrange them to put them in chronological order.  If your child is like mine, they may think of all the things they need to do in a completely random order. That’s okay. Let them take their post-it notes and put them in order once they have all their thoughts out.

If your family is likely to lose those post-it notes, be sure to take pictures or put the words in another document you can come back to. And here is the hard part: Try to help your child see how they need to create a timeline of what they will do when. What can we do today? What should we do this week?  That is where you start.

Working on a single project for multiple days helps develop the focus and skills students need for many things. It also helps if they have an adult there to remind them or help them when they get stuck. Big projects can be really hard to finish. If your student is still developing this skill, consider if there are steps you can do for them. If they are too shy to call the animal shelter, can you do it? If they can’t figure out how to start making a flyer, can you get them started by making an example that they can edit? What can you do to help them get over the hump?

For my kids, I have opened documents and written a title. I have helped them practice what to say on a call. I have given them a chart to fill out that has blanks or boxes that represent what they need to do. Instead of just doing it for them, I often work to give them tools so they can do it themselves. I offer support and structure.

College

My kids are neurospicy, so at times, they have needed help even in college to figure out how to start or finish a complex project. Sometimes, even a small project is challenging to start, because it is new and different. One step that has helped them, has been having me just read the directions for an assignment out loud, so they could think about it while I read it to them. One of my kids processes auditory information better than written, so for that kid, reading it to them can help their brain zero in on what they need to do.

College work requires a LOT of executive function that homeschooled students may not have experience with. Having multiple dead lines that all happened at midterms were hard the first semester. Learning to study for a test in one subject while writing a paper in another, was a new skill. Learning how to pace yourself when you have to do a big project, is a real skill. Some of the classes my kids have taken, appear to help them scaffold their projects. The teacher asks for a topic, a set of sources, and a rough draft, as separate assignments before the final paper is due. I can’t promise your child’s professors will do this, but it seems common in the freshman level classes my kids have taken. So, maybe everyone is still struggling with this at the start of college no matter where they went to high school.