I was not raised to be brave. I was quite honestly, raised to fear the world. And I did. I sometimes wonder if I got married young so I would have a “buddy” to go places and do things with. I’m married to a man who is brave in ways I’m not. When our kids came along I made a choice to parent them differently. I wanted to raise them to be brave and not fearful of the world. My son recently told me he is the person in his friend group least afraid of making mistakes. To me, that is a type of bravery.  So, what did I do?

Playgrounds

I was the mom who let my toddlers climb up the slide. I let them play on the equipment that was “too big” for them. I let them go down the slide face first. But let me say, I was always there when they asked. If they wanted to be caught, spotted or to hold my hand, I was there. I never forced them to be brave, I just didn’t stop them.

And before you worry about climbing the slide, I also taught them to watch for other kids and we talked about sharing the playground. However, as homeschoolers, we had the playground to ourselves often. When all the other kids are in school, the playground is often empty at ten in the morning. So, your child can play in ways that make other parents upset, because no one else is there.

Words

I did not constantly tell my children to be careful. I didn’t tell them mistakes were problems. I let them have minor accidents. I let them see they could fall and get back up. I was the mom who said they couldn’t ride their bikes at all without a helmet. However, as long as the helmet was on, I let them try the big hills and the challenges they wanted to take on. And yes, sometimes they got hurt, but they healed. They learned how careful they needed to be without having it explained to them in little words that make the world scary.

Climbing Trees

As a child, I was never allowed to climb a tree higher than I was tall. I’m sure it was seen as a rule that would keep me safe. However, it also meant I didn’t take on challenges that could lead to even a little danger. I was not allowed to play in creeks or go for walks in the woods alone. My parents treated the entire world as a dangerous place.  I didn’t do that to my kids.

I had a rule. My kids were not allowed to climb a tree if they could not get into it on their own. I wouldn’t lift them up to climb a tree they were too small to get into. However, once they could get into a tree, they were allowed to climb as high as they choose. I let them learn to trust themselves. I said more than once, if you can get yourself up, you can get yourself down. I did not climb up to get a child out of a tree. They had to figure it out.

By age 7, my kids could climb trees far higher than most parents would allow. We had a maple in our yard that they could climb two or three stories into the air. Did it scare me? YES! Of course. But I didn’t tell them that. I let them learn to trust themselves to handle big challenges.

Other Rules

I did have a rule all my kids had to learn to swim and do swimming lessons until I knew they were safe in the water. I made them wear life jackets on boats. I had rules about not wading out alone into the ocean further than knee deep. However, I let them play in the creek in the forest behind our house. I let them wade in water where minnows or tiny crabs might live.

I let them explore the woods around the parks were visited. I did not make them stay in sight at all times once they were old enough to find their way. For my kids, this was usually around age 7 or 8, but my youngest probably got out of sight with a sibling much younger.  We had different rules for different places, and we discussed how some places are more dangerous than others.

Toddlers need to be watched carefully. They have no sense of self preservation and no sense of direction. However, it doesn’t serve older children well to be treated like toddlers. Letting them stretch themselves taught them to trust themselves. Asking them to take a buddy, who was their age, let them learn without an adult looking over their shoulder to solve all their problems. Yes, they could get lost and find their own way back. I let them believe the world is not full of bears and monsters ready to eat them if they stretch themselves.

It was Hard

It was actually very hard to let my kids go play out of sight. It was hard to let them do things I knew were dangerous. I knew they might get hurt and I really hated when they did have a fall or bump. However, my kids actually got hurt very rarely. They did learn how to make their own calls about being careful. Not one of them ever fell out of a tree from high enough to get hurt.

The terrified person I was raised to be is still inside of me. She would bubble wrap these kids if I let her. But I don’t. Instead, I tell her we want them to be brave. We want them to be strong. So, we can’t get in their way.